WELCOME TO LIFE AFTER DEATH.

The content of these pages are solely for use as a primer to acquaint the deceased, heretofore known as the party of the third part, with the Collective, heretofore known as the party of the second part, and the Celestial Hierarchy, heretofore known as the party of the first part.

It assumes a general knowledge of the working universe and a basic comprehension of physical and divine law.

All disputes, controversies, or claims arising out of or relating to this dictum shall be submitted to binding arbitration in accordance with the applicable rules of the Celestial Hierarchy then in effect.

RULES AND REGULATIONS PERTAINING TO THE DEAD

  1. Singing and whistling are forbidden everywhere except Heaven
  2. There is no cutting the line at the Pearly Gates
  3. There is no running anywhere
  4. All newly dead will immediately report to the line assigned in an orderly manner
  5. Those destined for Heaven are not allowed to lord it over those assigned to other destinations
  6. Those assigned to Purgatory are forbidden from gloating in front of or near those assigned to Limbo or Hell
  7. Descent into Hell is immediate
  8. Personal requests are frowned upon
  9. Second chances must be approved by a majority of the Collective
  10. All bets are off if you lose a case on appeal

RULES AND REGULATIONS PERTAINING TO THE NEWLY-DEAD REMANDED TO THEIR HOME WORLDS

  1. Public ectoplasmic emissions are strictly prohibited WARNING: Stress results in excess ectoplasm and should be avoided
  2. Time travel is forbidden except for certain circumstances as dictated by the Collective
  3. Automatic writing is not allowed without prior approval
  4. Telekinesis/psychokinesis is forbidden without prior approval
  5. Visual haunting will result in demerits that could undermine your tenure track to Destiny
  6. Interference with the living is strictly forbidden
  7. Aural haunting will result in demerits that could undermine your tenure track to Destiny
  8. A combination of visual/aural haunting will result in prosecution by the Court of Dominions
  9. Revealing information to the living that they would not acquire naturally will result in prosecution by the Court of Dominions
  10. Repeated requests for special allowances will not be tolerated


THE GOVERNANCE OF THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY
(a.k.a. the party of the first part)

EXECUTIVE ADMINISTRATION
Seraph—the highest order of angel with the most perfect understanding of the universe

LEGAL DEPARTMENT
Cherub—the record-keepers of divine law

THE DIVINE COURT
Thrones—the adjudicators of divine law

JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
Dominions—the decision makers overseeing the daily workings of the universe and lower angels

SPECIAL WORKS
Virtues—the miracle workers and mentors of the universe who carry out the work of the Dominions

PUBLIC WORKS
Powers—keep the physical laws of the universe working by maintaining the border between Heaven and Earth

SECURITY
Principalities—stand guard over nations and mortals

EDUCATION
Archangels—impart divine teachings to humanity

HEALTH & WELFARE
Guardian Angels—protectors of mortals


THE COLLECTIVE
(a.k.a. the party of the second part)

Tier One
The Celestial Hierarchy
Tier One has veto power and can over-vote other members of the Collective

Tier Two – USS Special Forces
Universal Secret Service; assignments delegated by galaxy, sector, system, and planet/ moon/sun. (i.e. USS.MWG.OA.SS-3 would be the Universal Secret Service’s Milky Way Galaxy branch in the sector of Orion’s Arm, in the Solar System’s third planet – Earth).

Tier Three
The populace of Heaven
A majority of 51 percent of the populace vote rules when not over-voted by Tier One

Tier Four
Souls within one millennia of having completely satisfied past sins
Along with the populace of heaven, Tier Three decisions require a 51 percent majority

Tier Five – Non-Voting
Souls remanded to their home worlds are governed but do not govern

THE DEAD
GRADE LEVELS OF THE NEWLY DEAD, RECENTLY DECEASED, LONG DEAD AND THE ANCIENTS
(a.k.a. the party of the third part)

Level 1—Newly Dead, destined for Heaven

Level 2—Newly Dead, destined for Purgatory

Level 3—Newly Dead, destined for Limbo

Level 4—Newly Dead, destined for Hell

Level 5—Newly Dead, remanded to their home world

Level 6—Recently Deceased, remanded to their home world

Level 7—Long Dead, remanded to their home world

Level 8—Ancients, remanded to their home world

Level 9—Fallen divine beings, on appeal

Level 10—All non-newly dead, destined for Hell


THE THIRTEEN MANIFESTATIONS OF SPIRITS

    • Divine Spirit
    • Apparition
    • Ghost
    • Vapor
    • Wraith
    • Vision
    • Presence
    • Specter
    • Sprite
    • Phantom
    • Imp
    • Poltergeist


Note: Essence, ectoplasm and phantasm are merely byproducts of the Spirit and not the Spirit itself.


GHOULS AND ZOMBIES

Be it known that the undead are prohibited from entry into the Collective. Zombies, vampire and the ghouls that beget them, do not meet the minimum requirement for entry in the Collective, which is possession of one’s soul.


BYLAWS OF CELESTIAL HIERARCHY
(the "Corporation")


I. ANNUAL MEETING
A. A meeting of the Collective will be held annually for the purpose of reassignment of members of the Collective and for the purpose of doing other business as may come before the meeting.

II. SPECIAL MEETING
B. Unless otherwise prescribed by the Celestial Hierarchy, special meetings of the Collective may only be called in the following ways:
i. by a majority of the Collective, or
ii. by the Almighty (a.k.a. the "President" or “Head” ), or
iii. by the Court of the Dominion.
The Court of the Dominion will determine the time of any special tribunal called for by a majority of the Collective, or else all tribunals will be held immediately.

III. PLACE OF MEETING
C. The annual meetings or special meetings of the Collective will be held telepathically unless the Celestial Hierarchy requests the presence of one or all in the Court of the Dominions.

IV. NOTICE OF MEETING
D. The telepathic notice of any meeting will be given at a moment’s notice to each member of the Collective entitled to vote at that meeting. Principalities will issue non- telepathic notice to non-voting members of the Collective.
E. Any action to be taken at any annual or special meeting of the Collective, may be taken without a meeting, without prior notice and without a vote, if telepathic consent or consents, setting forth the action to be taken, is agreed to by the majority.
F. Every consent will bear the special signature of each Collective member.

V. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
G. TO THE EXTENT LEGALLY PERMITTED UNDER APPLICABLE LAW, NEITHER THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY NOR THE COLLECTIVE SHALL BE LIABLE TO YOU OR ANY THIRD PARTY FOR ANY INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, EXEMPLARY, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, INCLUDING ANY LOST PROFIT DAMAGES ARISING FROM YOUR DEATH, EVEN IF THE PARTIES OF THE FIRST AND SECOND PART HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. NOTWITHSTANDING ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY CONTAINED HEREIN, THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY AND/OR THE COLLECTIVE’S LIABILITY TO YOU FOR ANY DAMAGES ARISING FROM OR RELATED TO ANY CAUSE OF ACTION WHATSOEVER, REGARDLESS OF THE FORM OF THE ACTION, SHALL BE LIMITED TO SPECIAL CONSIDERATION IN LIMBO OR PURGATORY DEPENDING ON THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART’S BEHAVIOR DURING THE SIX (6) MONTHS IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO THE CLAIM. NOTHING IN THIS AGREEMENT SHALL OVERRIDE THE CELESTIAL HIERARCHY’S OMNIPOTENCE OR ITS POWER TO DEAL WITH THE INTENTIONAL MISCONDUCT OF ANY ANGELS, SAINTS OR SPIRITS IN ANY WAY IT SEES FIT, FOR THE WRONGFUL DEATH OR PERSONAL INJURY TO A SOUL WHO WAS NOT YET FATED TO MEET HIS MAKER.

VI. FORCE MAJEURE
H. Involved parties hereto shall not be liable for the failure to perform any of its obligations under this Agreement if such failure is caused by any reason beyond its reasonable control including without limitation, any occurrence of any incalculable Satanic act, natural evolution, or spontaneous redevelopment of physical properties.

VII. REMEDIES
J. Any remedies provided herein are non-exclusive.

Reading The Collective Handbook For Everlasting Life constitutes a contract between the newly dead and the Collective.

If any provision of this Contract is held unenforceable, then such provision will be modified to reflect the parties' intention. All remaining provisions of this Contract shall remain in full force and effect.



GLOSSARY


APPARITION
An unusual or unexpected sight or phenomenon; a ghostly figure

AURA
An energy field that emanates from a living being

AUTOMATIC WRITING
Writing produced without conscious intention; telepathic or spiritual in origin

BANSHEE
Female spirit whose appearance or wailing warns a family that one of them will soon die

BOGEY
A specter or phantom

CELESTIAL
Relating to, or suggesting heaven or divinity

CELESTIAL HIERARCHY
A traditional hierarchy of angels ranked from lowest to highest into the following nine orders: angels, archangels, principalities, powers, virtues, dominions, thrones, cherubim, and seraphim

CHANNEL
A path along which information passes between worlds or beings

CLAIRVOYANCE
The ability to perceive matters beyond the range of ordinary perception

CONJURE
To summon a spirit by invocation or incantation

CORPOREAL
Consisting of or relating to a physical material body

DEMON
An evil spirit that is an agent of harm, distress or ruin

DIVINE
Supremely good or heavenly

ECTOPLASM
A substance or vapor that produces spirit materialization

ELF
A small mischievous or malicious creature

EMANATION

  1. Something that is emitted or flows out of a source
  2. The origination of the world by a series of hierarchically descending radiations from the Almighty through immediate stages to matter
ESP
Extra sensory perception, as in telepathy, clairvoyance, and precognition, that involves awareness of information about events external to the self not gained through the senses and not deducible from previous experience

ESSENCE
Something that exists; the most significant element, quality, or aspect of a spirit

ETHEREAL
Relating to regions beyond the earth; marked by unusual delicacy or refinement

FAIRY
A mythical being of diminutive form with magical powers that may give vital help to someone in need

FAMILIAR
A spirit often embodied in an animal and held to attend and serve or guard a person

GHOUL
An evil demon or person who reinvigorates the dead, inspiring them to attack the living, inflict mayhem and incite disaster

GHOST
The disembodied soul of a dead person

For levels of ghosts, see the Spiritual Scientist Research Foundation

GNOME
Ageless, deformed, hairy beings that live in the earth, guarding treasure

GOBLIN
A small, mischievous creature of unpleasant appearance, that is often evil

GOSSAMER
Something delicate and sheer like a fine film of cobwebs floating in the air

GREMLIN
A mischievous gnome that causes errors or malfunctions

HAUNT
To visit or inhabit as a ghost

HEAVEN
The dwelling place of the Deity and the blessed dead; a place of utmost happiness

HELL
The nether realm of the devil and the demons in which the damned suffer everlasting punishment

ILLUSION
Something that deceives the mind and senses by appearing to exist, when it does not

IMP
A small demon

INCORPOREAL
Not corporeal; having no material body or form

JUMPBACK
To return, in time travel, to the moment from which you left

KARMA
Destiny or fate

LIMBO
An abode of souls that is a place or state of neglect or oblivion

MAGIC
The use of charms, spells and incantations believed to have supernatural powers over natural forces

MANIFEST
To reveal its presence or make an appearance

MATERIALIZE
To assume bodily form; to appear suddenly

MEDIUM
An intermediary who is a channel of communication between the earthly world and a world of spirits

MIND CONTROL
Depriving people of the exercise of free thought through hypnosis, brainwashing or manipulative techniques

MIND TRANSFERANCE
The transfer of personal thoughts and memories from one individual to another

MIRACLE
An extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

NECROMANCY
Conjuring spirits of the dead to have them reveal the future or influence a course of future events

OTHER SIDE
The other side is where immortal souls complete their destinies

PARANORMAL
Not scientifically explainable

PEARLY GATES
The gateway to Heaven, guarded by Saint Peter, who determines where souls will spend eternity, be it Heaven, Hell, Purgatory or Limbo

PHANTASM
A mental representation of a real object

PHANTOM
Something apparent to the senses but with no substantial existence

PHENOMENON
An object or aspect known through the senses rather than by thought or intuition

PIXIE
A mischievous, but cheerful, fairy or elf

POLTERGEIST
A ghost that manifests itself by noises, rapping sounds, and the creation of disorder

PRECOGNITION
Clairvoyance relating to an event or state not yet experienced

PREMONITION
Anticipation of an event without conscious reason

PRESENCE
A spirit that is felt or believed to be present

PSYCHOKINESIS
Movement of physical objects by the mind without use of physical means; also known as telekinesis

PURGATORY
An intermediate place after death where the souls of those who die in God's grace may make satisfaction for past sins and become fit for heaven

RASCAL
An unprincipled being that is dishonest or unethical

REDEMPTION
Being liberated or set free from harm or binding obligations

REINCARNATION
A rebirth of a soul in a new human body or other form of life

SAINT
One of the spirits of the departed in heaven who is officially recognized through canonization

SCAMP
A mischievous being that behaves in a harmless or humorous way

SÉANCE


A spiritualist meeting to receive spirit communications

SORCERY
The use of power gained from the assistance of spirits

SOUL
The immaterial essence of an individual life in the universe

SPIRIT
A supernatural being or essence that has the ability to become visible; or to enter and possess a human being

SPECTER
A visible disembodied spirit

SPIRITUAL
Of or relating to sacred or supernatural beings or phenomena

SPOOK
A ghost or specter; an undercover agent or spy

SPRITE
A small ghost or spirit
Supernatural
Of or relating to an order of existence beyond the visible observable universe

TELEKINESIS
Movement of physical objects by the mind without use of physical means; also known as Psychokinesis

TELEPATHIC
Communication from one mind to another by extrasensory means

TEMPORAL
Of or relating to earthly life

TRANCE
A sleep-like state (as of deep hypnosis) usually characterized by partly suspended animation with diminished or absent sensory and motor activity

TRANSPORT
To convey from one place to another

UNDEAD
Beings that are technically dead, but still interact with the living; active, corporeal forms without souls

VAMPIRE
A technically dead person that rises at night to feed off the blood of the living

VAPOR
Diffused matter suspended in the air that is unsubstantial or transitory

VISION
Direct mystical awareness of the supernatural usually in visible form

WHAMMY
A jinx or hex; something with unpleasant consequences

WRAITH
The exact likeness of a living person seen usually just before death as an apparition

ZOMBIE
A dead body that’s been brought back to life without its soul